…I am a martian (‘Phone Home’ by weezy).
I came to a (sad) realization today. I ordered a bunch of clothes from Macys. I’m obsessed with bright colors (OBSESSED). I did somehow convince myself to order 4 items of clothing in basic black or beige. I got them today and tried on the boring professional ones and I was so sad. I mean don’t get me wrong – I look good, I just, well, didn’t look like me. Then it hit me – me and my teacher self are not the same. We have a lot in common, but we have some key differences. Teachers not only have to teach, but have to ACT LIKE TEACHERS, LEADERS, MOTIVATORS and like THE LAW. I mean teachers have to perform a teacher identity as an active choice on the daily. I might actually have to reach for that beige dress and black cardigan so that I can present myself as a teacher so that my principal, students and I can believe I’m the teacher. It’s definitely a fake it ’til you make it situation – I get that. I have to act like a teacher so I can become one.
At the end of the day this is a really good thing because Ms. Adrilicious is already an infinitely better school teacher than Adrilicious. In fact, since I know her so well I can say in a classroom Adrilicious would:
- Have some sort of collective operating agreement made collaboratively with students and their families.
- Have a mid-day yoga / tea break for all her kiddies.
- Have students take a day off now and again to paint and reflect on the genius that is James Baldwin.
- Bring students to every single rally and march that aims to make the world more just.
- Teach her students how to Dougie
Ms. Adrilicious realizes that there really isn’t time for activities that don’t result in measurable results (okay, there’s a small amount of room, but it’s very, VERY small). So Ms. Adrilicious’ students will grow 2 years in the span of 1. If Adrilicious has to wear a black dress in order to reminder herself to turn her Ms. Adrilicious on – then it’s worth it (but she can keep it a little funky with brightly colored pumps right?? please?).
(back to the first person)
I want to be a teacher, I just am a little sad about having to act like / look like one. It’s part of the journey to integrate the two selves and I know I’ll figure it out – I’m just anxious about what exactly I’ll be giving up and how I’ll git ‘er done.
Thank heavens for tattoo-showing, cussing, dougie-doing, skinny jeans and heels, crazy dancing Saturdays.