…I am a martian (‘Phone Home’ by weezy).

I came to a (sad) realization today. I ordered a bunch of clothes from Macys. I’m obsessed with bright colors (OBSESSED). I did somehow convince myself to order 4 items of clothing in basic black or beige. I got them today and tried on the boring professional ones and I was so sad. I mean don’t get me wrong – I look good, I just, well, didn’t look like me. Then it hit me – me and my teacher self are not the same. We have a lot in common, but we have some key differences. Teachers not only have to teach, but have to ACT LIKE TEACHERS, LEADERS, MOTIVATORS and like THE LAW. I mean teachers have to perform a teacher identity as an active choice on the daily. I might actually have to reach for that beige dress and black cardigan so that I can present myself as a teacher so that my principal, students and I can believe I’m the teacher. It’s definitely a fake it ’til you make it situation – I get that. I have to act like a teacher so I can become one.

At the end of the day this is a really good thing because Ms. Adrilicious is already an infinitely better school teacher than Adrilicious. In fact, since I know her so well I can say in a classroom Adrilicious would:

1. Have some sort of collective operating agreement made collaboratively with students and their families.
2. Have a mid-day yoga / tea break for all her kiddies.
3. Have students take a day off now and again to paint and reflect on the genius that is James Baldwin.
4. Bring students to every single rally and march that aims to make the world more just.
5. Teach her students how to Dougie

Ms. Adrilicious realizes that there really isn’t time for activities that don’t result in measurable results (okay, there’s a small amount of room, but it’s very, VERY small). So Ms. Adrilicious’ students will grow 2 years in the span of 1. If Adrilicious has to wear a black dress in order to reminder herself to turn her Ms. Adrilicious on – then it’s worth it (but she can keep it a little funky with brightly colored pumps right?? please?).

(back to the first person)

I want to be a teacher, I just am a little sad about having to act like / look like one. It’s part of the journey to integrate the two selves and I know I’ll figure it out – I’m just anxious about what exactly I’ll be giving up and how I’ll git ‘er done.

Thank heavens for tattoo-showing, cussing, dougie-doing, skinny jeans and heels, crazy dancing Saturdays.