By Depeche Mode.
Teaching is what I was born to do. I know I will have epic (EPIC) failures. I know I will cry, I’ll know I’ll feel like I’m not good enough for my students. I know there will be days when I’ll feel like I have no idea what I’m doing – but that’s fine – that’s part of the gig and if I approach it correctly, I can use my failures to motivate me to continually work towards success. I’ve decided to just be my imperfect first year teacher self and to enjoy every single step of the process. I recognize that it’s easy to profess positivity BUT I honestly do believe that attitude can set the stage for how my brain processes information and experiences.
I am one to easily be infuriated by the manifestation of systemic forms of oppression, but I’m not one who can easily be shaken by bad news. Because I’ve worked in anti-violence since I was 18 – I’ve seen pretty much every which way that humans can try to destroy each other and have always been able to be a positive, solution focused person. I’m just wishing, hoping, planning and praying that I can maintain my general, happy-go-lucky attitude.
I’ve also been thinking a lot lately about professionalism. I totally intellectually realize that non-profit standards of dress are different than that of schools. I also realize that my usual professional dress of lawyer clothes, but in bright colors, might make me seem garish to some folks. I also tend to wear dresses, that uh, hug my body in all the right places. I’m also vain (not proud of it, but just keeping it real) and am rather pained to think of myself in a frumpy gray potato sack. I sometimes think that being an elementary school teacher gives me a little bit more leeway to wear bright colors (like a Wednesday-is-blue-day-when-we-present-our-science-projects-so-we-wear-blue-and-it’s-fine-for-me-to-wear-my-bright-blue-dress-and-kelsey-dagger-linzy-pumps). I’m gonna have to figure out what’ll work in my school community. I also really can’t swallow the idea of not wearing heels. I also have a pretty big tattoo – it’s easy to hide, but it sometimes likes to make an appearance. I mean, I’m not really worried about it showing at school (though I do have words tattooed on my wrists that will def show, but most people think I just doodled on my wrist because they’re small and simple) – but I like to let it get some air when I’m out and about at the store – so what happens when I run into my students with their parents and have a giant tattoo on display? Hopefully they’ll love me enough not to judge me too much.
Lastly: please don’t make me have to wear boring grey pantsuits. I am not the same as Hilary Clinton and I can’t handle it. I love how I’m cool with taking on the achievement gap, but stressed about what I’ll look like while doing it. Nice Adrilicious, nice.