US American catharsis is weird. Whatever – I think Lupe Fiasco speaks truth when he wrote in the immediate aftermath of the OBL assassination: ”Now kill poverty, wack schools, and US imperialism…” For once, no analysis, no pontification – imma just leave it at that and move on to fighting some battles that are important to me and mine.
Yesterday, I was driving in LA (which is one hell of an adventure, I’d encourage the daring to give it a try) and a LAUSD bus drove right past me. Immediately I was pumped – I want to yell to the kids “I’M TEACHING AT YOUR SCHOOL THIS SUMMER!” but instead I just motioned to some girl so she could tell how much I liked her hair. She smiled, I was elated and I’m so excited. I also have a tentative placement – don’t want to jinx it, so I’ll just say I hope it works out .
Still, none of this feels real – I even bought white boards for my students last week I but can’t imagine that I’m not only becoming a teacher, but I’m becoming an education professional – am I really entering my forever profession? I’ve spent my years since college living all over the world and working at and developing really awesome anti-violence programs (and earning a MA somewhere in there). I’ve packed up and moved to avoid violence before, I’ve moved two new countries, so preparation for change is part of my daily life. Preparing to stay is a new thing, I don’t think it’ll feel real until I’ve taught for a couple of years and been accepted into a grad program – or maybe until a new(er) teacher asks me for advice.
In the meantime, it just feels sexy and exciting and I wish I could bottle my feelings and drink ‘em when the going gets rough. You know how in a relationship you just know? Well I know I’ve found the thing I should be doing and the thing I’ll continue to do even when it’s terribly difficult. I know I want to make sure every single student I encounter receives and excellent education in mathematics. I know I want to be that weird teacher-cum-math-coordinator who rides her bike to school and has the crazy hair. I’m all about it. I’m just trying to remember that this is a new kind of change – and I’ll fail a million and one times, but the sweet successes will make up for it (or I’ll have to fire myself – if I can’t get it done in the classroom).
Anyway – 2nd CSET tomorrow to make sure I can speak Spanish, know Latin American history and know bilingual education theory. Good times.