Jan 31 2011

No, no, no

by adrilicious

Uh-oh.

Today I’m doubting my decision to become a corps member and I haven’t even made it to institute. My heart is heavy from hearing 99 billion different iterations of “I’m better than these kids, so I will go and save them.” No one says it like that of course, it’s clothed in reasonable sounding statements like “these kids lives are so unfair and mine was so easy,  I have to teach them to save them” (as if students have no agency and are waiting to be saved by young bright fresh out of college kids. as if communities have no agency, as if only the students you meet should be saved) and “parents feed their kids  such crap!” (as if it’s possible to buy and prepare perfectly healthy foods 24 / 7 when you don’t have money and work 3 jobs. also – school lunches and breakfast aren’t healthy yet – so it’s easy to say – make a healthy choice, but the federal government is still having trouble modeling it). That’s just today. I could make at least 30 more additions to list, but will spare myself the pain. I don’t want to have this discussion any more, I don’t want to have to be hit with the weight of deeply ingrained prejudice,  which is all the worse when it comes from intelligent, bright, young people. I just can’t, I can’t, I can’t and it’s not even institute yet. I’m not sure I’m gonna make it.

I’m still standing thanks to the reason I Teach for America (so lovely worded by a group of Aboriginal Women):

“If you’ve come to help me, you’re wasting your time. If you’ve come become your liberation is tied up with mine – then let us work together”

So let it be written, so let it be done.  Let me love even those who don’t see the whole picture.  Let me work with students and parents as equals. Let my desire to work collaboratively and with respect come through my lessons every day.

 

Categories: Teach For America · 17 Comments

17 Responses

1. kodiak40

   I hear you and I truly understand. I teach because I grew up in poverty and education helped me find a way out. I want to do my best to offer that gift to others that may not see a way out. So, does that mean I’m trying to ‘save’ my students? I don’t think that is within my power. But I do know that I’m a damn good teacher, that knowledge is power, and that I think I can make a difference.

   The very fact that you are pissed off about the inherent elitism is a sign to me that you are right where you need to be, my friend. Hang in there. The World needs your passion and determination. Selfishly, I need to know that there are others out there that seem to ‘get it’.

   on January 31, 2011 at 8:29 pm · Reply
   • adrilicious

     Selfishly me too. I know you can make a difference and with that comment you just made all the difference to me. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. Again – thank you – I’m hanging in.

     on January 31, 2011 at 9:45 pm · Reply
2. Wess

   Please educate the rest of us whenever we sound like we’re making ourselves out to be saviors. We’re all in this together–we all want to work collaboratively and with respect, and we’re all trying to rid ourselves of deeply ingrained prejudice. If something I’m writing makes it sound like that’s not the case, please point it out to me and let me know how I can rephrase it.

   on January 31, 2011 at 9:15 pm · Reply
   • justcallmemaestra

     I agree 100%.

     on January 31, 2011 at 10:06 pm · Reply
     • adrilicious

       Thank you. Really thank you. I’m so glad you’re in the corps. So glad we’re in it together.

       on January 31, 2011 at 10:10 pm · Reply
   • kodiak40

     Dr. Ruby Payne has a book, A Framework for Understanding Poverty, that I found very insightful in explaining some of the ways different class levels function. Some like what she has to say and other don’t. She talks about the hidden rules of poverty, the middle class, and the wealthy. Coming from poverty and finding myself in the middle class now, I didn’t find anything too surprising, but it can be a real eye-opener for those that have not been touched by poverty. On the plus side, there are several school districts that include the book on their staff required reading list. Never hurts to have already read it.

     on January 31, 2011 at 10:25 pm · Reply
     • adrilicious

       Word. Keep the recommendations coming. I’d recommend ‘White Like Me’ by Tim Wise to understand how ingrained prejudice works on a daily level. I’m not white, so I can’t speak about it from that perspective, but it really takes on race in an approachable, useful and I’d argue crucially important way. Other People’s Children by Lisa Delpit does much of the same work, but more from an insider / outsider black woman’s perspective. I feel that book deeply. I’m gonna check out Dr. Payne’s book – gracias!

       on January 31, 2011 at 10:37 pm · Reply
       • kodiak40

         Just read through most of your posts and love your blog. Dude, you gotta stay in this…and LOVE the glossary!!

         While I am anglo (white, like black, is a power word and I don’t use it unless I mean to), I have done a lot of work on white privilege and the nature of the social construct of ‘race’. Thanks for the recommendations, they are both on my growing list of ‘things I must read’.

         I teach about whiteness and blackness when we get to the Civil Rights section of my US History classes. Thought my very white mentor teacher was going to have a heart attack when I started talking about privilege. My mostly minority 11th graders were the most engaged that I had seen them all year long. We agreed to stop using power words in my class for the rest of the year. Never underestimate the power we have to help change the world…it’s just a matter of what we help change it into.

         Wish we were closer…I’d love to buy you a beverage and meet you in person. I am on FB though, same user name as here.

         on January 31, 2011 at 11:07 pm · Reply
   • adrilicious

     Wess – I’m gonna hold you to that and ask you to do the same for me. It’s clear from other folks comments that they aren’t ready to hear critical feedback. Specifically I was told that I needed to relax and also that I hated people (which obviously is no where to be found in my post). I appreciate your openness and collegiality. I’m less concerned with semantics and more concerned with underlying intentions and (mis)understandings.

     Long story short, I’m blown away by your reaction and I’m glad you put that on the table for me (and for you). Thanks.

     on February 1, 2011 at 12:31 am · Reply
3. adrilicious

   Heike – you’ll notice I did not approve your comment. I did so because I felt it didn’t elevate the level of discussion – in fact it didn’t touch on the content of the post, but rather made unrelated comments and relied heavily on ad hominem. Please comment anytime as long as it’s on point .

   on January 31, 2011 at 10:45 pm · Reply
4. stateofhope

   Hang in there. I’m a new corps member as well. Struggling with many of the same contradictions you’ve been writing about. This kind of critique and reflection is needed and welcomed (by me at least). In terms of recommendations I’m always one to go back to the source, Freire for example. Keep on.

   on January 31, 2011 at 11:54 pm · Reply
   • adrilicious

     Thank you. Thank you for saying so. And amen to Freire. You Keep on too – I’m glad you’re going the corps, we need you.

     on February 1, 2011 at 12:20 am · Reply
5. aea107

   hi, so, this post reminds me of something that i’ve encountered in the senior thesis i’m working on, which is tracing civil rights argumentation, rhetoric and practice from its inception to today, and marking the ways in which liberal viewpoints over how to best fight for racial equality have changed over the past half a century. one of the original “liberal” viewpoints on behalf of whites who favored emancipation and white abolitionists was that the people for whom they were fighting were somehow inferior to them, and that the best way to fight for justice was to “elevate” them out of their inferiority (be it biological, mental, intellectual, however this particular mindset wrongly justified itself). obviously, anyone with any knowledge or background in critical race theory, or, really, any knowledge of how the world actually works, knows that this is not true, and that it is aversive racism at best. i think this kind of “savior complex” you’re referring to is another iteration of this.

   the way i’m justifying it to myself, as a somewhat radical leftist who spent college immersed in critical race theory is that i am not responsible for the (potentially misguided and well-intentioned) ignorant impetus anyone else used as a reason to join TFA. i guess i don’t believe that TFA as an organization encourages this kind of mindset, at least certainly not explicitly, but i don’t think implicitly, either, although it could, perhaps, do more to discourage it. it is definitely unfortunate that TFA does attract people with this kind of backwards, misinformed mindset, but we can hope (or assume) that those who do have this kind of attitude, once they go through institute and actually begin membership, will reconcile it with reality. i don’t know if that’s the case or not, but i hope so.

   sorry this is so long. i guess, as someone who is also an incoming corps member, i, too, have a hard time trying to figure out how best to reconcile my own radical viewpoints with TFA–not only as in organization, but with its execution and membership, as well–but i’m not going to let this inner conflict turn me away from TFA and its goals. the goals, while noble, certainly, and ambitious, yes, are not heroic. as TFA espouses, it is a privilege to work with children… and, yes, that’s WITH children, and not “above” them or “over” them or any other hegemonic BS power language… it’s with them. being offered this privilege, and taking it, doesn’t have to mean we parade around like superheroes. just be proud, and perhaps grateful, that you’re coming from a place that allows you to understand the hypocrisy and destruction a savior complex entails. sorry if this comes off as preachy or something and i know i’m saying things you already know. but you’re definitely, definitely not alone. don’t let it discourage you…

   on February 1, 2011 at 12:17 am · Reply
   • adrilicious

     naw sister, you’re right. you nailed it, then you nailed it again. i sort of came to critical race theory and woc feminism to help me make sense of my life. that’s why it’s so personal. and i’m glad to be able to see the destruction and pain caused by the savior complex, but still am married to the power of naming manifestations of racism (lord knows not every time i see them, but certainly when they weigh heavily on my body). it’s true i’m not responsible for the motivations of every corps member, but i still feel deeply responsible for the little brown boys and girls who will be the students of those corps members because not so long ago i was that little girl and i had that teacher.

     lastly. the great langston hughes once wrote: “An artist must be free to choose what he does, certainly, but he must also never be afraid to do what he might choose.” i’ve chosen and i’m in this, doesn’t mean it’s easy – i’m in this and i can’t be afraid to do it.

     on February 1, 2011 at 12:43 am · Reply
6. TopherDean

   It’s interesting… there are times when I am so baffled and confused by the things I see at work and in the surrounding community that I cling to prescribed answers or to absolutely anything that helps me make sense of it all–including the idea that I am somehow there to “save” my kids. But I’m not their savior, and I certainly cannot begin to pretend that I have all of the answers.

   The only thing I know for sure is that I feel motivated to go to school every day and work for my kids the best I know how–which is certainly far from perfect.

   I shave struggled with many of the same ideological concerns that you are currently raising for the past 2.5 years now. The months leading up to institute were some of the most difficult for me–and of course institute itself.

   One thing I believe full heartedly: TFA needs people who are highly critical of the organization and of the ideologies that seem to guide it’s path. We need corps members who constantly question the work they do and the way that the organization operates as a whole. After all, TFA is part of a reform movement, and reform is not about static answers and/or mandates from the top. And it’s certainly shouldn’t be about pretending to have “the solution” to the achievement gap when that is 100% not the case.

   on February 1, 2011 at 12:39 am · Reply
7. afellow2011

   I’m really torn about this post. I definitely don’t believe that we, as CMs, are in any way ‘better’ or here to ‘save some poor little children’. However your post partly reminds me of students at my school who sometimes appear to be in an unofficial contest to be the most ‘culturally sensitive’. (gosh… not trying to sound mean, not sure how else to put that!) We all come from different backgrounds and experiences… my low-income rural school experience won’t be the same as working in a low-income urban school. I’m afraid none of us “see the whole picture” and I hope institute will help us all start putting the pieces together!

   on February 1, 2011 at 5:48 am · Reply
   • adrilicious

     I’m really torn about this post. I definitely don’t believe that we, as CMs, are in any way ‘better’ or here to ‘save some poor little children’

     I’m so glad you feel that way. Others (based on their writing) do feel that way and that hurts me deeply. It hurts because it’s deeply vested in a system of racism (yes I said it and no I’m not calling anyone racist) whereby the only way good things happen is if white people decide to share / deliver them. Hot mess.

     However your post partly reminds me of students at my school who sometimes appear to be in an unofficial contest to be the most ‘culturally sensitive’. (gosh… not trying to sound mean, not sure how else to put that!)

     That was mean – but yelling (or writing in this case) “self-righteous” when people point out racist things has long been the refuge of folks who are scared to explicitly challenge racism – I’m used to that one. (Arizona called ethnic studies – not French or black or Caribbean, but Mexican ethnic studies kind of the same thing. Arizona doesn’t want brown kids to feel like they’ve been treated poorly or that they have any group identity. Arizona state government thinks Mexican ethnic studies classes exist because of the ‘misguidedness’ of cultural sensitivity). Also – I’m not worried about being culturally sensitive, I’m worried about being an anti-racist teacher.

     We all come from different backgrounds and experiences… my low-income rural school experience won’t be the same as working in a low-income urban school. I’m afraid none of us “see the whole picture” and I hope institute will help us all start putting the pieces together!

     
     My post was about anti-racism and I’m sure there is no such thing as institute. I’ve spent the better part of my life doing explicitly anti-racist work – so it’s painful to see that work being undone by attitudes that invest in racism so heavily. So while no one sees the whole picture, it seems we’re looking at two different paintings. I’m going to be an anti-racist person, baker, teacher, lover, fighter, writer and whatever else I am when I wake up in the morning. If you’re not – cool – but standing in the way of the train means there’ll be crashes and collisions. This isn’t about your background or your feelings getting hurt – this is about teaching in a way that deals blows to a racist system. I’m so excited to be doing that and I’m glad there are others looking forward to doing that as well. If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem. To act like we don’t live in a racist country and to act like we don’t directly interface with racism and its counterpart privilege every day is a problem. Corps members likely have the same distribution of problems as society at large (myself obviously included) so maybe it’s silly for me to have such high expectations of myself and my fellow corps members, maybe it’s silly for me to have such a high expectation that corps members could be committed to closing the achievement gap and explicitly anti-racist in doing so. I like my high expectation though, and holding my students to those expectations doesn’t preclude the possibility of including high expectations for myself and my peers!

     on February 1, 2011 at 1:02 pm · Reply